Top News:

• Donald Trump took a break from insulting Marco Rubio on Twitter long enough to release an actual policy agenda: his tax plan, which will decrease tax rates across the board.
• Hillary Clinton — who many thought was a lock for the Democratic nomination — is losing ground to one candidate who was endorsed by Lil B (Bernie Sanders) and another guy who isn't even running for president (Joe Biden). Speaker of the House John Boehner resigned Friday, prompting comments from candidates across the field. Trump said Boehner's resignation was "wonderful," where other candidates — like Rubio — merely said it marked an opportunity for a more conservative Republican Party. 

Democratic Candidate Breakdown

Hilary Duff: Not running for president, but she turned 28 on the 28th. That has to be a sign or something. #ReadyforHilary

Hillary Clinton: While Clinton is busy trying to deal with the slow “drip, drip, drip” of her email server scandal, she still finds time to work on convincing the youths of America that she is in fact cool, hip and relatable. This week she sat for an interview with actress/comedian/writer/all-round talented human Lena Dunham. The two talked about college, feminism, politics and Lenny Kravitz’s recent wardrobe malfunction, which Clinton had not yet seen. After Dunham described Kravitz’s exposed junk, Clinton nodded gravely and said she would look for the video on YouTube. Indeed.

Side note, that wouldn't have happened if you had been wearing a signature Clinton pantsuit, Lenny.

Bernie Sanders: At 27.5 percent, Sanders trails Democratic frontrunner Clinton by about 15 percentage points, according to a Huffington Post poll aggregate. Joe Biden, who is literally (like, literally) not a presidential candidate, is polling at 19.4 percent — so if he were to drop out of the race he’s not in and convince all of his supporters to vote for Bernie, Sanders might have a chance.

http://elections.huffingtonpost.com/pollster/2016-national-democratic-primary

Joe Biden: Again, he’s definitely not running for president. Probably. Maybe. Okay, he might run for president. Biden is still deciding whether to run, especially in the wake of his son's death earlier this year. If he decides to join the race, he is eligible to participate in the Oct. 13 Democratic debate because he already averages above 1 percent support in the polls, which is something that can't be said for Martin O’Malley, Jim Webb and Lincoln Chafee.

Martin O’Malley, Jim Webb and Lincoln Chafee: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Even Chafee’s extra-presidential first name doesn’t seem to be helping; collectively these three are averaging about 1.9 percent of the Democratic primary vote.

Republican Candidate Breakdown:

Donald Trump: Trump finally got specific with his presidential agenda and released his tax reform plan on Monday. Basically, it involves lower tax rates across the board — no income tax on the very poor, a much lower income tax rate on the rich and very rich and a much lower cap on corporate taxes. This may, as promised, create jobs and grow the economy, but it could also cost about $9 trillion over a decade.

Otherwise, Trump has stayed busy writing addicting and outlandish tweets. Pro tip: do not look him up on Twitter when you're supposed to be studying. For a good time, tweet @realDonaldTrump.

I watched lightweight Senator Marco Rubio, who is all talk and no action, defend his WEAK position on illegal immigration. Pathetic!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2015

Marco Rubio is a member of the Gang Of Eight or, very weak on stopping illegal immigration. Only changed when poll numbers crashed.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 26, 2015

Lightweight Senator Marco Rubio is VERY weak on immigration, knows nothing about finance and would be incapable of making great trade deals!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 26, 2015

Jeb Bush: Bush may not be leading in the polls (8.8 percent, having fallen behind Trump, Carson and Fiorina), but according to analysts at FiveThirtyEight, he is winning the Republican “endorsement primary.” Of all Republican candidates, Bush has the highest point total, or a weighted score of how many elected officials endorse him and how important those officials are. However, most of his endorsements are coming from the moderate and liberal parts of the Republican Party, and almost none are from the ultra-conservative Republican faction.

The same faction, by the way, that consistently fought against Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner, who resigned earlier this week.

Marco Rubio: Besides running a fundraising drive sloganned (if William Shakespeare can make up works, why can't we?), "Help Marco raise the flag for a new American Century,” Rubio has been spending his time not voting in the Senate and criticizing U.S. foreign policy in the Middle East.

Help us raise the flag for a new American Century. Click here NOW --->http://t.co/Y8L7YOTwsn https://t.co/S0q9QhALBa

— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) September 28, 2015

Rand Paul: Paul gets a mention this week, but his poll numbers are low (2 percent in a recent USA Today Poll) and he’s been holding more fundraising events for his Senate campaign than for his presidential bid, so he may not get a (*cough* coveted) roundup slot next week. Many pundits are predicting he will soon drop out of the race altogether. Who could be responsible for this? As usual, Trump is taking credit.

Prediction: Rand Paul has been driven out of the race by my statements about him-- he will announce soon. 1%!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 29, 2015

Quote of the week: 

"Jeb Bush is underrated. Radically underrated. Not saying he's had such a hard life, but look what he has to follow. Nobody even bother to buy Bush's Baked Beans. I would absolutely not vote for him, but this guy's got moxie."

— T-Pain, rapper and auto-tuner extraordinaire, on Bush

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