Election Roundup: feat. Shots Fired -

Top News:

The death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia became the campaign season’s biggest surprise storyline this week, with the focus of the primaries suddenly shifted to the appointment of a new justice to the SCOTUS.

Republicans insist the lame-duck President Barack Obama has no right to appoint a new justice. Meanwhile, Obama is reminding everyone that yes, he, in fact, literally has the Constitutional right to appoint a new justice.

Scalia died in his sleep on a Texas ranch on Saturday. The cause of death was a heart attack — or was it? “We discovered the judge in bed, a pillow over his head,” said John Poindexter, the ranch’s owner.

Several conservative pundits, and one GOP candidate (take a wild guess who), were quick to latch on to this detail. A pillow over the head? Was it really a heart attack? Or was it... MURDER?

It wasn’t murder, as Poindexter was quick to clarify. At least that’s what he wants you to think. Why hasn’t Poindexter shown us his birth certificate?

Republican Roundup:

The six remaining GOP candidates head to South Carolina this week for Saturday’s primary. The ugly and contentious race has only gotten more heated. And just like the GOP polls, the antagonisms start with Donald J. Trump.

Trump: The Donald has put all his haters on full blast in the Twittersphere this week.

President Obama:

Interesting how President Obama so haltingly said I "would never be president" - This from perhaps the worst president in U.S. history!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 17, 2016

Megyn Kelly:

Why does @megynkelly devote so much time on her shows to me, almost always negative? Without me her ratings would tank. Get a life Megyn!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 17, 2016

Lindsey Graham:

.@lindseygraham, who had zero in his presidential run before dropping out in disgrace- saying the most horrible things about me on @FoxNews.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 17, 2016

Fox News:

.@FoxNews is so biased it is disgusting. They do not want Trump to win. All negative!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 17, 2016

Jeb Bush:

Jeb Bush just got contact lenses and got rid of the glasses. He wants to look cool, but it's far too late. 1% in Nevada!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 17, 2016

Cruz: Imagine, for a second, your disastrous first-year roommate grew up to be the second-leading Republican candidate in the polls.

That’s what actually happened to Craig Mazin, a writer for parts two and three of The Hangover trilogy — Mazin and Cruz were roommates at Princeton in 1988. Mazin delights in reminiscing about an unhygienic, widely loathed and somewhat perverted young Rafael Edward Cruz via Twitter.

Rubio: It was a rough few weeks for the RubioBot2016. His glitchy response to a question during the last debate (in which he repeated a talking point four times) hearkens back to some of the other times the Face of the Establishment GOP (TM) hasn’t fared well with the cameras rolling.

2011: Must not drop Nancy Reagan. Must become GOP golden boy. Must not —ERROR—

2013: Must not succumb to thirst. Must not lunge off-screen for thirst-quenching —ERROR—

via GIPHY

2015: Must appear to be having fun. Must execute football throw to small child —ERROR—

Marco Rubio hitting the kid in the face with the football is even better as a GIF pic.twitter.com/FLpnHz0un0
— Chris Moody (@moody) August 18, 2015

Kasich: John Kasich got second in New Hampshire, is polling best in the general election against Hillary Clinton and seems like he could genuinely attract independent voters. He is the vice-presidential candidate the GOP deserves, but not the one they need... not until he suspends his campaign, anyway.

Bush: The floundering Jeb! campaign is bringing out the big guns for South Carolina, with family matriarch Barbara and big brother/ex-POTUS George W. hitting the trail for the Bush clan's heir apparent.

And speaking of big guns, the Bush campaign sent out this strange tweet last week:

America. pic.twitter.com/TeduJkwQF3
— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) February 16, 2016

Twitter didn't waste much time coming up with responses — some political, some funny and some just plain confusing. If the South Carolina primary is the last we see of Jeb Bush, the former GOP favorite will certainly have gone out with a resounding, "Huh?"

Carson: This guy is still running? Trump almost forgot about him, confusing Carson with Obama at a campaign stop.

Democratic Roundup:

Hillary and Bernie are locked in a dead heat in Nevada, where they will go head-to-head in Saturday’s primary. After running a relatively civil and nuanced campaign, Clinton and Sanders have begun to take off the gloves as the race tightens.

Hillary Clinton: With the upcoming Democratic primaries in states with large black and Hispanic populations, Hillary has been playing to her large advantage with minority voters. Clinton spoke on race relations in Harlem on Tuesday, criticizing the GOP’s disrespect of the Obama presidency and Michigan’s handling of the water crisis in Flint, a largely black community. She also hit Bernie on immigration over Twitter, bringing up his voting history while in Congress.

If only she could be have Bernie’s... you know... vibe.

Bernie Sanders: The funnest candidate in the field just keeps gaining momentum. Bernie, the grumpy grandpa of the political left, nearly won Iowa, dominated in New Hampshire and will enter the Nevada primary — supposed to be a gimme for Clinton — in a dead heat.

Remember when Clinton was a shoe-in for the nomination? The "Feel the Bern" campaign has made the Democratic race an actual race.

It’s enough to make any Democratic Socialist shout for joy.