Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and us here at YAFI… we’re not stupid. We know the same question about Drew and Kelsey is on everybody’s mind: “Is this ‘Jim and Pam’ thing or a ‘Ryan and Kelly’ thing?” Well, the joke’s on you, because it’s actually a "Stanley and Phyllis” thing.
In the spirit of love and hastily bought chocolates, we decided to entertain all the Drew-and-Kelsey submissions we’ve gotten over the year. Hopefully this confuses things even more.
You: So if you guys were a celebrity couple would you be Kelrew? Goiman? Drewlsey? I need to know because of reasons.
YAFI: Drewlsey, emphasis on “drool.”
You: Drelsey4evar
YAFI: Thank you!
You: <3 <3 <3 SHIP DREWSEY <3 <3 <3
YAFI: Okay, we get it.
You: How long have you guys been together? How can I have a perfect relationship like y'all? Help!!!!
YAFI: We technically met at the DTH end-of-summer retreat, but the stars destined our chance encounter eons ago, ere the swell of the first tide or the first footstep of living thing. So idk, ask the stars.
You: You guys are a comedy journalism power couple.
YAFI: Should we list that under “skills” or “experience” on our resumes?
You: You two are soulmates, and if you haven't fallen in love already you will. Or else I don't believe in love anymore.
YAFI: Uh-oh!
You: Tips for long-distance dating? I assume you guys are gonna be experts.
YAFI: Try to get a mid-range-to-large student publication to grant you two a weekly humor column that will bind you together at least every Tuesday whether you like it or not!
You: Why aren't Kelsey and Drew married yet?
YAFI: Journalist salaries aren’t high enough to rent out a just-across-the-border truck stop where they serve carnitas, and that is the only place we have agreed to get married.
You: No, seriously, why are you two not married yet?
YAFI: So pushy! If you want to speed our wedding process along, you can contribute to our Kickstarter here.
You: Can you and Drew please just procreate already?
YAFI: We already have; our 19 kids comprise the DTH visual desk.
You: U 2 ever think about doing the frick-frack to each other? I do.
YAFI: No comment. But for more DTH coverage of the frick-frack, click here. Alternatively, for coverage of the knick-knack paddywhack, click here.
You: Are you guys lowkey in love or what
YAFI: Highkey, on fleek. Movin’ and shakin’. You crazy youths.
You: Can you guys just love each other already for the love of God?!
YAFI: Reply hazy. Try again.
You: How long will it take you to realize that you two pieces of human garbage are a perfect, miserable fit?
YAFI: Now we’re talking.
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