Kelsey Weekman (karent) and Drew Goins (jmpender) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: How do I get off all the listservs that are flooding my inbox?
You Asked for It: The post-FallFest listserv email influx can make it tricky to reach inbox zero, whether your friend signed you up for 20 second-tier pre-professional clubs against your will or you’re genuinely interested in Carolina Tap Ensemble (C-Tap) and Yackety Yak.
The people who bombard us with University Career Services emails are lovely, hardworking human beings whom we should respect. The aforementioned jmpender, who seems to be the thirstiest digital UNC entity of all time, is actually the wonderful Julie Pendergraph. She enjoys NASCAR and Jeff Gordon (Go #24!).
If you can’t figure out how to unsubscribe from an honors fraternity email, you probably don’t deserve to be in it.
To unsubscribe from Alert Carolina weather update emails, hold your phone aloft in a severe thunderstorm. Wait for a bolt of lightning to strike the scourge from your HeelMail. Resume normal activity.
At least you don’t have to worry about any inbox-cloggers from them in real emergencies.
Unsubscribing is itself an anachronistic process. Boot up your machine, listen for the dial-up tone and wait for the Pony Express to come into town to deliver your unsubscribe message. Churn some butter while you wait.
You: It’s only been two weeks, and I’m already bored with all my classes. How do I survive the rest of the semester?
YAFI: It’s natural for your drive for class to start diminishing, especially after a few years together. But it doesn’t have to be like that; some doctoral students manage to keep the flame going for a decade.
So check your syllabus, ’cause your next required reading is these five simple tips to spice up your class life:
1. Test out new positions in the lecture hall, like secretary (sitting straight up and taking notes in shorthand), reverse desk-whirl (spin around backwards in your seat) or even standing up the whole time.
2. Get vocal. Let your class know what’s working and what’s not. Tell the class if it is going too fast... or needs to speed things up a touch. Really let loose; make sure the students in the next classroom can hear just how much you’re learning.
3. Film yourself getting your instruction on with your class. You can watch it back around exams to review if you want, but sometimes just knowing you’re being filmed is what makes it so exciting.
4. Get your class thinking about you earlier in the day. Send your class a flirty text once you’re apart in the morning to remind it that you’ll be attending later in the afternoon.
5. If you’re more of an hour-and-fifteen person, switch things up every now and then with a 50-minute quickie. One fast and wild ride will leave your class pining for you every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
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