Kelsey Weekman (a lot like Cupid) and Drew Goins (stupid) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: I have to work on Valentine’s Day, how am I supposed to celebrate?
You Asked for It: If you’re trapped at the office without your Jim or Pam (or Meredith, no judgment), you can still feel the love.
Give valentines to your co-workers. There’s only one day every year to use crappy candy to tell your colleagues “Be mine,” “Fax me” or “Time to clean out the fridge, Jerry, your tuna is disgusting.”
Try making your valentines out of office supplies. Nothing says “we have a casual working relationship” like a necklace made of red and pink paperclips or a monstrous ball of rubber bands and staples modeled off of their likeness.
If you’re not into Pinterest, be subtle. Replace your regularly scheduled whining with Valentine’s-themed whining. Let everyone know how much you miss your significant other or how tired you are of the love around you. If you can’t be happy, no one can be!
You: I don’t even wanna think about this Sunday. Give me some alternatives.
YAFI: There’s always Galentine’s Day. This festive occasion allows women to honor the females in their lives who would never leave them for their other friend Angelica who they thought that they trusted, but now they know better, Angelica.
We’re offering some really out-there alternatives to spice up your Feb. 14 (think the Mexican chocolate gelato from Sugarland).
Palentine’s Day is a gender-inclusive option for those who want to revel in their platonic relationships. Not to be confused with Palestine’s Day, observed by the war zone in a chronic relationship. The biggest perk of Palentine’s Day is getting to use the word “pal” as if you were a character from “The Wizard of Oz.”
Choralentine’s Day is basically V-Day, but with an S.O. who earnestly sings to you. This is much, much worse than any of the other alternatives. Observe it by being grateful that you don’t have to suffer through a rendition of “Wonderwall” this year.
Finally, show your affection for the local media in your life with WRALentine’s Day. If you miss it on Sunday, you can catch it again weekdays at 6 p.m. and 11 p.m.
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