Kiana Cole (“London Calling”) and Alison Krug (collect calling) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: It’s only the fourth week of school, but I already feel like I have no free time! How do I balance school and fun?
You Asked for It: “Too much free time is certainly a monkey’s paw in disguise.”
So said the esteemed Douglas Coupland, a Canadian novelist and guy who probably complained about underloading his senior year.
While college remains a constant teeter-totter of weighty responsibilities and fun, there are a few metaphorical sandbags you can toss onto the work side, so you can continue to elevate the illusion of having the best time of your life.
Don’t waste a second! Identify and optimize wasted time you aren’t using, like the time spent between classes or blinking.
Make everyday activities fun! Make every trip to the dining hall your personal episode of “Chopped.” You aren’t just slopping together a salad in Lenoir Dining Hall. You are dining on a pan-seared California roll topped with an Apple Jacks aioli and plated on a vegan black bean burger.
Are you spending too much time hanging out with your friends and not enough time in office hours? Combine the two! What are TAs but future best friends? You already have so much in common. They’ve committed their time and money into their higher education on the subject of this class, and you’re committed to getting your PH credit.
If all else fails, reconsider your idea of fun. Homework is now fun! Greasing the wheels of the UNC system with your shrieks is now fun! Rounding out your lists with a third item is now fun!
You: My roommate has seven Pillow Pets and tucks each one into bed each night. Should I be concerned?
YAFI: Yes.
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