Alison Krug (GRADUATING) and Kiana Cole (still needs to take science with a lab) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: What do I do now that my satirical writing partner-in-crime is just days away from graduating?
You Asked for It: We recently received a generously kind letter to the editor praising our dutiful work and posing the question — what will this community do for laughter when one of us graduates and one of us falls in love?
We’ve taken this letter as a prophecy of sorts, and though neither of us are falling in love (unless you count with Hinton James! Ha!), Alison is nearing the prophetic and aforementioned day of graduation. Now I‚ Kiana, am tasked with figuring out how to cope.
I’ll probably have less of the “Hey, how many jokes do you think I can make about sweet potatoes in YAFI today?” questions I was sure to get every Tuesday morning. Perhaps unknowingly, she has officially set a precedent of criteria for any future YAFI writer: the adoration of a similar starch, just to keep things interesting.
Or accept that there will never be anyone quite like your spud-loving, Korean-drama-watching partner in writing and, at this rate, life partner, too.
You: Help! I’m graduating in just two weeks, and I still haven’t completed my UNC bucket list!
YAFI: There’s no need to worry, even if you haven’t climbed the bell tower on every full moon or reanimated the Top of Lenoir sushi or woken up with no knowledge of your identity and your only remaining possessions being a Clef Hangers vest or whatever is on the UNC bucket list these days.
Make your own bucket list, and make it special by making it things only you will ever accomplish on this campus!
Take a selfie with Chancellor Carol Folt, and then cross-stitch that selfie onto your graduation gown. Wear it while you ride the P2P a full cycle while listening to only Pierce Brosnan’s songs from “Mamma Mia.”
Hop off the P2P and try your hand at being a tour guide! You only have two weeks left to convince visiting prospective students that Forest Theatre was the filming location of “Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams.”
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