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Satire

Satire: Lee Roberts accidentally texted me his hair plans

By Sydney Baker | April 10

"The world found out shortly before 11 a.m. Eastern Time on March 15 that Lee Roberts was changing his staple swoop that was, until now, delicately greased ...

Satire: A day in the life of UNC’s official music curator

By Sydney Baker | April 8

"Just like the Rameses mascots revealed themselves as the end of the semester approaches, I feel that it’s the right time for me to reveal my own ...

Satire: A UNC student’s guide to traumatizing tour groups

By Cogan McMichaels | March 30

Satire: UNC creates DERP to increase University efficiency

By Maggie Mead | March 23

Satire: Gordon Ramsay visits Lenoir for one week of 'Hell’s Dining Hall'

By Sydney Baker | March 16

opinion-satire-unc-macroaggressions-black-students

Satire: Woke UNC transcends race, Black students last to find out

By Hailie Davidson | March 3

"It’s almost like a utopia. As Black students, we need to wise up and appreciate the many ways UNC has been woke-ified."

Satire: Wake up — The Oh Well is spreading misinformation

By Sydney Baker | February 27

"Why is nobody in their Instagram comment sections questioning these obviously fake headlines? Why is nobody challenging the clearly photoshopped pictures?" ...

Satire: LinkedIn update: I’m thrilled to announce I’ve done some pretty great stuff

By Sydney Baker | February 20

"I’ve compiled a comprehensive inventory of what I’ve been working on — try to not get too jealous."

Satire: Five Nights at Dookie's — my terrifying adventure in K-Ville

By Sydney Baker | January 30

"While most of them were away boogieing wit da Hoodie, I was renting their tenting, breaking into tents to see what I could find. This isn’t exactly ...

Satire: Thank God TikTok is back — the morons can't get as smart as me

By Delaney Broderick | January 28

"'I just downloaded Goodreads!' one post read of a young girl smiling radiantly. Her eyes, once so familiar as barred and subdued, were full of color ...

Satire: Liberals attack the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6 insurrection anniversary

By Sydney Baker | January 6

"After Kamala Harris’ 2024 election loss, shocking to many Democrats, something even more shocking has happened — the liberals have carried through ...

Satire: The country should fear Trump cabinet picks’ secret agendas

By Sydney Baker | December 2

"Through the acquisition of leaked confidential documents, we have uncovered many concerning plans."

Satire: Delaney Broderick says 'I only write for print'

By Delaney Broderick | November 4

"I don’t really care much about what my article says, as long as it’s in the paper."

Satire: LinkedIn update: Making big oil woke, one female CEO at a time

By Natalie McCarthy | October 21

"I’ve always said, 'If there’s going to be a sixth mass extinction, I’d like to have a french-tipped hand in it.'"

Satire: Kamala, keep your hands off the Third Amendment

By Harry Black | October 9

"In a time where there is great political pressure to reduce the power of amendments, such as but not limited to the Second Amendment, it is important ...

Satire: Am I the asshole for posting offensive comments on a porn site?

By Harry Black | October 2

"I (M56) am in a kind of awkward situation right now with my wife (F56) and need some advice."

Satire: My experience as a Still Life anti-ambassador

By Sydney Baker | October 2

"I was shoved this way and that, submitting myself to the ebb and flow of the crowd. It was like I was floating in the ocean — right before a tsunami. ...

Satire: UNC’s very own season of Big Brother begins

By Harry Black | September 1

"Public surveillance has oftentimes been critiqued for its invasion of people’s privacy, but we just don’t understand the controversy. What could ...

Satire: Rest in peace, Sakai

By Lola Oliverio | July 29

On May 15, the learning management system Sakai entered restricted access, resulting in the permanent unpublishing of every single Sakai page ever made. ...

Satire: How I made a winning March Madness bracket

By Sydney Baker | March 24

"So with these ingenious tactics, I have constructed the most promising bracket every basketball bro wishes they had."