Satire -

Satire: UNC’s very own season of Big Brother begins

By Harry Black | September 1

"Public surveillance has oftentimes been critiqued for its invasion of people’s privacy, but we just don’t understand the controversy. What could ...

Satire: Rest in peace, Sakai

By Lola Oliverio | July 29

On May 15, the learning management system Sakai entered restricted access, resulting in the permanent unpublishing of every single Sakai page ever made. ...

Satire: How I made a winning March Madness bracket

By Sydney Baker | March 24

"So with these ingenious tactics, I have constructed the most promising bracket every basketball bro wishes they had."

Satire: If you weren't in Cabo over break, you're a loser

By Rebecca Savidge | March 20

"Every American knows college is mainly known for three things: getting a degree, sports and spring break."

Satire: How to listen to music in a not-lame way (like me)

By Sasha Green | March 5

"You might think you’re safe. But somewhere out there a 12 year old is making a fan art animatic to your song choice."

Satire: Please don't read this article

By Sydney Baker | March 3

"Here at the Opinion Desk, we believe the best opinions are those uninformed ones."

Satire: How to cure depression

By Harry Black | March 3

"Now that we’re running with depression, you might be wondering, 'How do I cure this?' Well first, you have to really want to. You can’t just sit ...

Photo: UNC’s Carolina Computing Initiative to offer Mac laptops (Bailey Seitter)

Satire: I just hired Google Calendar as my new assistant

By Jordyn Balam | March 3

"I shifted uncomfortably, sipping my now-lukewarm coffee. I started to feel self-conscious, and decided if she was going to spend the rest of the time ...

Satire: Carolina housing to provide free ice baths for the foreseeable future

By Sydney Baker | February 20

"It’s 5 p.m. on a Monday. It’s 33 degrees, you just got out of three back-to-back classes and somehow it’s already dark out. You envision your destination, ...

Satire: Haters and fans, 'Swiftly' get a life

By Harry Black | February 12

"Maybe Swift’s fans should spend less time calling her “mother” and devote a little more time focusing on the mother who actually matters — ...

Satire: Rushing Franklin Street showed me the real reason people go to UNC

By Maggie Mead | February 7

"Finally, I realized the true value of going to UNC. It wasn’t for trivial pursuits like education, social growth, or professional development, but ...

Satire: I've never had a bad experience with a group project

By Shea McIntyre | February 3

"As I wait to receive my professor’s decision as to who I’ve been grouped with, I enthusiastically daydream about my future project partner. And soon ...

Satire: People I wouldn’t sit with on a plane who would make a better interim chancellor than Lee Roberts

By Harry Black | February 1

"I found out that Lee Roberts was being knighted as UNC's interim chancellor on my recent 38 hour plane ride to New York, where I was stuck next to a ...

Reluctantly, satire: A formal request to The Daily Tar Heel's editors

By Harry Black | January 15

"To me, this is more reflective of the lack of critical thinking skills in this generation than anything. If your first reaction after reading something ...

Satire: Who would win? Round three.

By Harry Black | January 9

"For those of my readers who are not quite hip to historical events, Archduke Franz Ferdinand was the heir to the Austria-Hungary throne in 1914, when ...

Satire: Welcome to UNC Finals Survivor

By Shea McIntyre | December 4

"Finals are less than a week away and you’ve been chosen as one of our contestants for our biannual competition: UNC Finals Survivor."

Satire: Who would win? Round two.

By Harry Black | November 20

"The 'Who Would Win' book series is a collection that pits two animals against each other and evaluates who would win. Here are my own, with a modern ...

20231111 - UNC FOOTBALL VS. DUKE HOMECOMING GAME

Satire: “I didn’t get a ticket to the Duke-UNC game and I’m OK”

By Hannah Kaufman | November 16

"To be fair, I did forget to enter the lottery. But that doesn’t matter. The lottery should’ve known how bad I wanted that ticket."

20221116_Le_opinion-letter-to-humanity-majors

Satire: Stop funding the humanities

By Spence Whitman | November 5

"Recently, the Board of Governors approved a new policy for the state budget that non-STEM professors in the UNC System can no longer receive distinguished ...

Satire: How to get your dream schedule on ConnectCarolina

By Katelin Harmon | October 30

"It looks like you still have 50 general education requirements left; It's almost like they keep adding new ones every year. Before you know it, you’re ...