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Satire

Satire: New campus strip mall – it’s pit perfect!

By Hannah Kaufman | October 13

"How did we get here? How have these corporations managed to intrude on our lively, bustling campus center? How has our marketplace of ideas turned into ...

Satire: Raising Cane’s has raised me from the dead

By Emma Culley | October 9

"Now, nearly two years later, I’m a first-year in college and my mouth is watering for the chicken fingers and crinkle-cut fries I’ve been promised. ...

Satire: Who would win?

By Harry Black | October 9

"The "Who Would Win" book series is a collection that pits two animals against each other and evaluates who would win. Here are my own, with a modern ...

Satire: Why ban books when we can just ban libraries?

By Franklin Payne | October 2

"The problem is that we are trying to use a scalpel to get rid of specific books, but are overlooking the larger issue. We need to combat the root of ...

Satire: Doing Chapel Hill housing by the (Face)book

By Hannah Kaufman | October 1

"If you aren’t on the 'UNC Chapel Hill Subleases, Roommates, Off Campus Housing & Apartments Facebook Group', I encourage you to apply today. With ...

Satire: It's time for the annual running of the bids

By Hannah Kaufman | September 12

"You’re on campus one Wednesday afternoon, and something feels off. There’s a rare energy in the air — Gucci perfume with hints of Lululemon — ...

Satire: Tips for returning from your semester abroad

By Hannah Kaufman | August 24

"As I would soon explain to friends, family, or anyone who would listen, my experience abroad was a blur of new faces and Vueling seat buckles. It was ...

Editorial: A tender(footed) apology from our Editorial Board

By Editorial Board | March 1

"In the wake of ongoing developments to the controversial School of Civic Life and Leadership, we have taken this time to reflect on our own reporting ...

10-10-22_LeBaron_opinion-frat-flu-sickness-satire-59.jpg

Column: The Stilllife sickness claims another victim (me)

By Hannah Kaufman | October 13

"It wasn’t your average, travel-size Kleenex type of cold. It wasn’t COVID-19, strep throat or bronchitis. In fact, it wasn’t anything that modern ...

Column: I attended a forum on free speech so you don't have to.

By Christiana Wayne | September 26

"I sat through what seemed like a fruitful conversation on free expression. I don’t know if I understood all of it, but the following are some things ...

Column: The tyrannical rise of vintage markets

By Hannah Kaufman | September 22

"In 2022, there were so many separate vintage markets (Tar Heel Market, Frat Court Flea and Franklin Street Market Fest, to name a few), that there was ...

Column: Listserv Survival Guide

By Hannah Kaufman | September 13

"For those of you who don’t know about the listserv emails I’m referring to: consider yourselves lucky. The chain emails began my freshman year. I ...

Column: (Re)introducing the Lesshead-Plain Scholarship

By Hannah Kaufman | August 21

"The Lesshead-Plain Foundation was formed in 1944, one year before the Morehead-Cain. Lenny Lesshead I and Liam Plain created their foundation with five ...