Dan Satter

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Walking Off With a Final Column

By Dan Satter | May 2

Sitting in the hot seat while donning a nervous smile and my best suit (which, coincidentally, also doubles as my only suit), I was beginning to wonder whether interviewing for my dream job was the biggest waste of time since "Waterworld."I was tenser than a driving school instructor. My knuckles, whiter than an Adolph Rupp starting lineup, gripped the armrests tight enough to rip them off the chair. My necktie knot would've supported a jib sail; my dress shirt was starched stiffer than cardboard. My Adam's apple was audible.

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Wanted: A Legend Worthy of a Wall

By Dan Satter | April 25

It's painful to admit, but I've officially qualified for (gulp) adulthood. The telltale sign: hanging on my bedroom walls are posters of players whose professional careers ebbed during the other George Bush's presidency.I haven't found anyone to replace them -- not that I've looked very hard.To this day I still decorate my room with photos of Larry Bird and Joe Montana, a token appreciation of my two favorite athletes. I chose them because, it seemed, they chose me -- or at least my generation.

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`Failure' Is Such a Relative Term

By Dan Satter | April 18

Finally decided what I want to be if I ever grow up: a failure.Stop laughing. Wouldn't a red carpet, silver-spooned, served-on-a-platter existence be more boring than Ferris Bueller's math class? Isn't it the rich kid who has all the toys he could ever need, but nobody to share them with? The perks ain't worth it. You don't want that! You want struggle, tragedy, triumph! It's a better story if you crash 'n burn before putting it in cruise control.

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Tough Jobs Someone's Gotta Do

By Dan Satter | April 11

Hey, seniors! It's time for the annual edition of "How to Find Your Dream Job!" Shake off your hangovers and make sure your seatbacks are locked in the upright position. Ready to play?First, let's see if you qualify. If you're a hard-working, overachieving, grading-curve-ruining, Type A-personality soon-to-be graduate who will punch 70-hour-week timecards to climb the corporate ladder, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I can't help. Move on. If that's you -- and there's no shame in it -- rip out this column and use it as a dartboard, or to carpet your cat's litter box.

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Potluck Roommates: College 101

By Dan Satter | April 4

What's your astrological sign?" What an odd question, I remember thinking. Why would he ask that? "My fiancee wants to know."Oh. Right. That's why.After my jaw bruised my chest, I covered the phone and asked no one in particular, "Do I have to go to college?" Somebody upstairs must've cracked a rib scheming up this one. I was hand-picked to live with this guy? Carolina has, what, 15,000 undergraduate students, and I'm paired with the one reading palms and dealing tarot cards?Don't get me wrong. I thought - and still think - nothing bad about hippies.

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A Friend You Can Never Forget

By Dan Satter | March 28

My safety net whenever I put finger to keyboard is one trite truism: "If in doubt, write what you know." So what's been creeping its way into my cranium? Let's see - I can rattle off the 1985-86 Boston Celtics' championship roster, all 43 presidents in order and each NCAA Division I men's basketball champion since Sputnik hit space. (I had a lot of free time as a kid.)I can explain the infield fly rule, why you should never turn your back to the basketball and how to determine if a secondary is playing zone or man coverage.

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NBA Doesn't Hold More for Forte

By Dan Satter | March 21

To: Joseph Forte, UNC shooting guardFrom: Dan Satter, DTH columnistRe: Your FutureDear Joe,Man, I wouldn't want to be in your Nikes right now.

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Dreaming's Easy in the Front Row

By Dan Satter | March 7

The horn might as well have been an alarm clock -- anticipated and undeniable, an earsplitting shrill blaring much sooner than it should have.

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Get a Sense of Humor, Clemson

By Dan Satter | February 28

Surprise! Turns out The Daily Tar Heel doesn't serve just our University. Nope, the Clemson University community also reads the DTH. A bunch of angry Tiger fans didn't appreciate me knocking their school last week. A slew of them sent me disgruntled e-mail.And here it is. You've got mail, re: last week's Clemson column. In italics are the best and the (not-so) brightest e-mails I received, with my thoughts interspersed. I've omitted names, but I promise it's their words, verbatim.Dave, What an insightful article/editorial. You are quite the journalistic talent.

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Putting Basketball in Perspective

By Dan Satter | February 21

As the final seconds ticked off Sunday's clock and the glorious 18-game winning streak concluded, I turned to a friend and summed up my feelings as colorfully, as poignantly and as eloquently as I possibly could."Are you freakin' kidding me?!? We lost to Clemson University? Clemson! Are they still in the ACC? For that matter, are they still in Division 1?"This column's much too short to sugarcoat. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping overboard the UNC basketball ship in 2001 A.D. (After Doherty.)That said, having to watch UNC's win streak, undefeated season and No.