Satire: LinkedIn update: I’m thrilled to announce I’ve done some pretty great stuff
By Sydney Baker | February 20"I’ve compiled a comprehensive inventory of what I’ve been working on — try to not get too jealous."
Sydney Baker is the 2024-2025 assistant opinion editor. She is a sophomore majoring in journalism and English with a minor in screenwriting.
"I’ve compiled a comprehensive inventory of what I’ve been working on — try to not get too jealous."
"While most of them were away boogieing wit da Hoodie, I was renting their tenting, breaking into tents to see what I could find. This isn’t exactly how I pictured the living conditions of students who pay over $65,000 in tuition a year."
"So why would newspapers bother with opinion sections when we no longer live in an age where people have few options for authoritative viewpoints?"
"Generation Alpha was thrusted into a world of social media and technology, and that is not their fault. And though parents can’t control the world they bring their children into, they can take measures to protect them from it."
"After Kamala Harris’ 2024 election loss, shocking to many Democrats, something even more shocking has happened — the liberals have carried through their own insurrection."
"After coming back from Franklin Street on a Friday night at the beginning of second semester, HoJo was woken up around 2 a.m. when the fire alarm went off. All 900 of us were freezing — but at least we froze together."
"Through the acquisition of leaked confidential documents, we have uncovered many concerning plans."
"After eating lunch, I skip to my next class, Intro to Media Law. We learn about the Constitution by eating an amount of marshmallows based on the number of the amendment we're learning."
"Even if it's not a daily act, it is crucial to be an informed member of society in an era of chaotic politics, social division and cultural tensions. If we only read about the world when it's bleeding, we'll never understand why it bleeds."
"I was shoved this way and that, submitting myself to the ebb and flow of the crowd. It was like I was floating in the ocean — right before a tsunami. One of my friends told me that the owner was considering renaming the club Sardine Life."